Social Emotional Support for Young Children

Dr. Lauren Starnes, Chief Academic Officer at The Goddard School

Dr. Lauren Starnes, Chief Academic Officer at The Goddard School

Life is full of transitions, and as adults we are able to process these life changes by conceptualizing the scale of change, identifying our emotions, and problem-solving. While young children are developing, a young child’s social and emotional health is as important to focus upon as a child’s academic development. Children throughout America are facing mounting mental health challenges, as the world becomes increasingly accessible and exposed to young children at an early age. Young children need partnerships between home and school and the open-ear of teachers and trusted adults when they have questions about the world around them.

To work with young children means always being ready for the unexpected question or statement at an unexpected time. Children make connections between what they know of the world and what they hear or see, and often children will share these moments with adults when they feel safe to do so. This may be a child asking about a community violence incident overseen on the nightly news or about an unknown word, cancer, overheard in muffled conversation between family members. When children share statements or ask questions of adults, this may be the child’s way of testing if the question or statement is acceptable, may be the child asking for clarification, or may even be the child seeking guidance to make sense of how he or she is feeling about the new discovery.

Often, for adults, the big questions a child asks unexpectedly derail us slightly, triggering emotions, memories, and strong opinions. In this discomfort, all too often adults silence the questions, deflect from the statements, and nonverbally express uneasiness leading the child to shy away from the conversation or topic. This silencing can lead a child to ruminate on the topic and possibly to stifle, or attempt to stifle, feelings of fear, anxiety, sadness, and confusion.

“This most basic need is critical to helping the child trust others, engage socially, and be able to learn the key academic skills needed to continue to learn and grow.”

One of the strongest ways an adult can be supportive to a child when approached with an adult topic question or statement is to first acknowledge what was said. “Tommy, I heard your words that you saw a story about a gun shooting in the city on your TV last night.” This recapitulation of the child’s words can give the adult a moment to center and to absorb the share. The adult should then thank the child for sharing or asking the question, such as “Thank you for telling me that you saw this on TV.”

The next important element is to turn the conversation to the emotions of the child. This helps the adult decide how best to react to the child and to make some inquiry into what the child may be seeking. “How are you feeling about seeing that story?”  Some young children will readily share emotional vocabulary “I feel scared”, others will dismiss the share as purely just a statement “I just saw it. That’s all” and others may express indecisiveness over how they feel “I don’t know (shrug).” If the child expresses emotions or is unsure of how they are feeling, the adult can then suggest ways for the child to express themselves, such as drawing, music, active play, or another activity. The adult should continue to monitor the child for signs of emotionality. Depending on the topic, the adult, if a family member or guardian, may choose to share additional information to help the child make sense of what was seen, heard, or experienced. Adults in care situations or school settings should focus instead on the emotions until a conversation can be had with the child’s family, if at all possible. In all situations, the adult should reiterate to the child that the adult can be trusted, that it is ok to ask questions and share things with the adult, and that the adult is there to help the child. These statements of support can help children feel safe and secure to continue the conversation or future conversations knowing that their voice is head and respected.

While young children lack world knowledge and experiences, helping young children feel appreciated, respected, and heard will model well for the child how to interact with others. While children can not be shielded from the breadth of what occurs around them, young children should be reminded that they are safe and secure. This most basic need is critical to helping the child trust others, engage socially, and be able to learn the key academic skills needed to continue to learn and grow. Social-emotional health and development are, as previously stated, as crucial to the child as academic growth and development.